In Crucial Confrontations, authors Patterson, Grenny, McMillian, & Switzler refer to the term Fundamental Attribution Error.   Such an error is an error that occurs in one’s judgment about another person’s motives.   Simply put, we make a Fundamental Attribution Error when we:

• Assume that someone has hurt and/or disappointed us on purpose.
• Assume this other person wronged us because they actually enjoyed doing it or because it’s some part of their flawed personality.
• Ignore any other possible reasons for that person’s behavior.

According to these authors, this kind of mistake is quite common.   They explain that we often believe the worst about other people’s motives or agendas because of several key things.   After experiencing what was said or done to us, we make up a story in our minds as to why that person behaved like they did.   If the story we tell ourselves reflects negatively on that person in any way, this leads to angry feelings and the fight or flight response.   At this point, we are no longer thinking rationally about the situation.

And, for whatever reason, initial impressions about motivating factors are often hard to shake.   Of course, sometimes we have plenty of good reasons for thinking that someone has meant to hurt us.  We’ve either experienced this type of pain from several others in the past, or this same person is repeating behavior they’ve done before.

Generally speaking, however, it’s important to remember that we could be jumping to conclusions about a friend or peer’s motives.   So consider this the next time you get into a conflict with someone else.   Be open to the many possible reasons people behave the way they do.  You'll probably be glad you did.